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Three secrets to help your daughters make it in life and succeed professionally.

Attention, mothers and fathers!

Reading

01.02.2017

THERE IS A LITTLE BLUE BOOK at my bed table called “How to Raise a Lady.” I have gone through the book back and forth and found absolutely nothing on how to negotiate. I think that this is a mistake. Why?

 

 

 

There’s fascinating research conducted by Linda Babcock revealing the following pattern: women don’t ask for what they want. They wait hoping it will come. Or they rationalise the wish along the following lines: “Am I too greedy? Maybe, I should just be happy with what I have.”

If you are a woman, just think for a minute: when did you last negotiate your salary raise?

 

I’ve been a mentor at a leadership developmental programme for women for two years now. According to my private research, women seldom negotiate.

Linda, says it’s partially due to the way we raise our daughters. For my part, I realised I am (or, I should say was) stricter with my little girl when she was being naughty, while for my boy I take it as a fact of life: boys are naughtier. The effect? The “good girl syndrome” described above.

So, if women are socially conditioned to avoid conflict, especially when it’s about their own interests, what is the best advice I can give to myself (and you) about how to raise my girl?

 

The three quick tips are the following:


1. NEGOTIATE FOUR TIMES MORE OFTEN – in fact, it will feel unnatural but it’s how boys do it.

2. THINK ABOUT THE SIGNIFICANT OTHERS - if you frame negotiation differently Linda’s research says you are up for a 17% bigger share of the pie! So remember: you don’t negotiate for yourself, there are other important people who depend on the result.

3. YOU ARE A STAR AND YOU CAN PROVE IT! – at least to yourself. In other words, play the successful negotiation moments movie in your mind. Priming ourselves to “success mode” shows in our body language. Amy Cuddy’s Ted talk works also in research: it increases the overall share of the pie you’ll be able to get around 16%.

 

 
If 16 or 17% plus does not sound like worth the pain, consider this: Linda calculated the difference between people not negotiating their salaries and people who do at $839,412 over the lifetime. Now you know.

Did I mention? These tips are for the grown up girls too.

 

PS: Has my parenting style changed? My wife would be more objective, but here’s what I try to do now: When my girl asserts herself, I react differently. I praise her looks less often. I notice her achievements more frequently. I let her fight with her brother more. I simply want her to thrive in life and at work. I know you do too.


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DOWNLOAD THESE AUDIO-BOOKS TO YOUR AUDIBLE:
1) Linda Babcock, Sara Laschever: Women Don’t Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide, 2012

2) Linda Babcock, Sara Laschever: Ask For It. How women can use the power of negotiation to get what they really want. 2009

3) Amy Cuddy: Presence. Bringing Your Boldest Self to your Biggest Challenges. 2015

4) Deborah M.Kolb, Judith Williams, Caroil Frohlinger: Her Place at the Table, a Woman‘s guide to Negotiating Five Key Challenges to Leadership Success. 2010

WATCH THESE:
(1) Interview with Linda Babcock: Why Women Don’t Ask: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcZn7zYGrp8

(2) Amy Cuddy’s Ted Talk: Your body language shapes who you are: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ks-_Mh1QhMc

(3) Professor Leigh Thompson shares 5 key things women can do to negotiate their salary more effectively: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBc-3gyW2vYhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBc- 3gyW2vY

 

 

ABOUT PAVEL NOVÁK
Pavel Novak’s truly unique negotiation coaching helps you consistently achieve profitable agreements while also strengthening your professional relationships.  Working at the cutting-edge of behavioural psychology, Pavel has studied closely with the leading authorities, including world-renowned American psychologist Marshall Rosenberg, creator of Nonviolent Communication, with Bruce Patton, Distinguished Fellow at the Harvard Negotiating Project, and with Tim Cullen, MBE, Director of the Oxford University Programme on Negotiation.  Pavel helps you implement current negotiation trends so that you can confidently use your skills in any context.